It’s often painful to get feedback from other people, and even harder to know what to do with it when we do get it. It can feel like an attack on our person, and it can be hard to identify whether there is something in the feedback that we can actually change. For our clients … Read more
Four Emotion Systems: Flexibility is key! In our work with clients who tend to be highly self-critical and shame-prone, one of the first things we seek to do is to create a deblaming platform for understanding how the person has come to operate the way they do in the world. It’s important that client (and … Read more
It’s apparent from the data that practicing lovingkindness meditation (LKM) has a host of benefits (see our prior blog post if you would like more evidence). However, just knowing that something is good for us doesn’t always mean that we will change our behavior to move toward it — yep, I’m looking at you, spinach! … Read more
Lovingkindness meditation (LKM) is an effective way for highly self-critical people to engage their social safety system. LKM helps highly self-critical clients put a brake on the threat-based loop of self-criticism and negative emotions, and helps clients have a sense of safety and belonging. Motivating Highly Self-Critical Clients to try LKM Although LKM is a valuable tool for working with self-criticism, … Read more
Do you ever have times, maybe at the end of a long day of seeing clients, that you feel disconnected or apathetic? Of course you do; we all do. It’s tough to remain present to suffering hour after hour. During times like this it’s common for therapists to try to just “push through”, to ignore … Read more
In a recent post, we wrote about how the absence of criticism in a person’s history is not the same as the presence of warmth. It is not necessary for clients to have a history of extreme levels of abuse or verbal criticism from others in order to develop a shame prone and self-critical tendency. … Read more
Self-compassion is great. It feels all nice and warm and fuzzy, right? Actually, maybe not, at least not for everyone. In fact, for a lot of folks, particularly those who struggle with chronic shame and self-criticism, compassion can actually be pretty scary! In fact, we know from research that highly self-critical clients tend to find compassion-related cues to be anxiety provoking. Even for folks who are … Read more
In working with highly self-critical and shame-prone clients, we (at ACTWithCompassion) often utilize chair work as a way to increase flexible perspective taking and facilitate self-compassion. Much of what we rely on for guiding our chair work comes from Leslie Greenberg, Ph.D. and his colleagues in Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT provides an empirically-grounded and well-researched … Read more
Sometimes it can be hard for us to tell when shame is present. It often operates in the background, driving particular action tendencies, thoughts, bodily sensations, social signaling, and memories. When someone is experiencing shame from the inside, it can be sort of like being trapped inside of a dark room without a flashlight. This … Read more
If you read our recent post about the top 20 science-based recommendations for working with highly self-critical and shame-prone clients, you already know that the pursuit of high self-esteem should be dead. The scientific community has definitively shown that attempts to raise self-esteem don’t generally work, and may even have some negative side-effects (Baumeister, Campbell, … Read more