Those of us who struggle with shame and self-criticism often believe that we are alone and different from others. We may also be more likely to be lonely and to have fewer close relationships, since shame and self-criticism can interfere with connection. In our groups for people who are highly self-critical, we have found that … Read more
Many researchers in English-speaking countries describe shame as uniformly maladaptive, and guilt as uniformly adaptive. In fact, a quick Google search of the terms pops up headings such as, “Shame is Lethal,” “Why Guilt is Better than Shame,” and “Guilt Versus Shame: One is Productive, the Other isn’t…” And, in fact, research does tend to … Read more
We humans are an incredibly social species. One of the reasons why shame is such a powerful and painful emotion for us is that it is intimately tied to our sense of belonging, and in particular, a feeling that our place in the “tribe” may be threatened. In order to understand shame, we also need … Read more
We all know how great if feels when someone expresses appreciation to us. But expressing gratitude isn’t only beneficial for the receiver; it does wonders for the giver, as well. The popular YouTube channel called ‘SoulPancake,’ has a series of videos they call the “The Science of Happiness” and we were struck by one video, … Read more
When we think about health, some perennial pieces of wisdom likely come to mind: don’t smoke, don’t drink too much alcohol, eat more vegetables, exercise. Yet, there are a few important components missing from this conventional health wisdom. Did you know, for example, that having less than three people in your social circle that you … Read more
It’s apparent from the data that practicing lovingkindness meditation (LKM) has a host of benefits (see our prior blog post if you would like more evidence). However, just knowing that something is good for us doesn’t always mean that we will change our behavior to move toward it — yep, I’m looking at you, spinach! … Read more
Unfortunately, there often seems to be a wide chasm between what happens in the research lab and what happens on the front lines of clinical work. On the one hand, researchers need to listen to clinicians and learn about their direct experiences with clients. On the other hand, clinicians can benefit from hearing about clinically … Read more
Very often the best innovations are born out of collaborations. That is the case with the exercise we want to share with you this month, which we call “Holding and Being Held.” This exercise evolved from one I used when teaching “Abnormal Psychology” to help with perspective taking. Our friend and colleague, Robyn Walser, Ph.D. … Read more
Lovingkindness meditation (LKM) is an effective way for highly self-critical people to engage their social safety system. LKM helps highly self-critical clients put a brake on the threat-based loop of self-criticism and negative emotions, and helps clients have a sense of safety and belonging. Motivating Highly Self-Critical Clients to try LKM Although LKM is a valuable tool for working with self-criticism, … Read more
In addition to the sequence of lovingkindness meditations we have created for use with highly self-critical clients, we have found that it is often powerful for the phrases used in lovingkindness meditations to be customized for a particular person. The goal is to identify personalized lovingkindness phrases based on the client’s own idiosyncratic experience that … Read more